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    Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope in Haiku
    Okay, it's time for something completely different.   Here for your enjoyment is Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, told entirely through Haiku's.  I took a couple of days off from my other projects to the tell the story of a galaxy far, far away in Japanese poetry.  There are almost 200 if you were counting.
     
    Enjoy!
     
    A drumroll begins
    The Fox fanfare starts playing
    The logo appears
     
    Giant floating text
    Tells the plot of the movie
    Here comes a spaceship!
     
    And then another!
    But this one is much larger
    Laser blasts erupt
     
    A gold droid appears
    With his friend, R2D2
    Fleet troopers run by
     
    Threepio panics
    “They shut down the reactor
    No escape this time”
     
    The Empire is here         
    Sparks fly and the door explodes
    Rebels drop like flies
     
    Darth Vader steps in
    The man in black means business.
    Breathing so heavy
     
    R2 gets a job
    The rebellion needs him
    To take a message          
     
    Threepio is lost
    “R2D2 where are you?
    I don’t like Kessel”
     
    “No Death Star plans here”
    Antilles had a bad day
    Vader crushed his throat
     
    “Set blasters for stun”
    Leia falls down to the floor
    “Take her to Vader”
     
    “Hey, get out of that
    We are not allowed in there
    It is restricted”
     
    “They will shut you down”
    “You mindless philosopher”
    “Don’t you take that tone”
                   
    “Mission? What mission
    You must have a short circuit
    I will regret this”
     
    The escape pod leaves
    “It does not look bad from here”
    “There goes another”
     
    Droids escape the ship
    “Are you sure this thing is safe?”
    “No, probably not”
     
    Luke and Biggs scene cut
    Won't be seen for twenty years
    Poor Garrick Hagon
     
    Leia sees Darth Vader
    “Only you could be so bold”
    “Don’t act so surprised”
     
    Vader threatens her
    “You’re on no mercy mission
    You have stolen plans”
     
    She pleads ignorance
    Vader loses his patience
    She is lead away
     
    Vader gets advice
    “Holding her is dangerous”
    “I’ve traced spies to her”
     
    “The plans are not here”
    “An escape pod jettisoned”
    “Did you shoot it down?”
     
    “No, I’m afraid not”
    “Must I do everything here?
    Send troops to get it”
                   
    “See it to it yourself
    There’ll be no one to stop us”   
    Spaceship flies away
                   
    “How did we get here?
    We have been made to suffer
    It’s our lot in life
     
    “My joints are frozen
    I’m going to fall apart”
    “Please stop complaining”
     
    “Where are you going?
    There are too many rocks there
    And you are on wheels”
     
    “I have rocket jets”
    “Don’t get technical with me”
    “I’m just stating fact”
     
    “Go on, go that way.
    You won’t do any better
    Near sighted scrap pile”
     
    “No more adventures”
    Dead Krayt Dragon on the dunes
    “This is all his fault”
     
    He spies a transport
    Jawas take him for a ride
    He is saved for now.
     
    Jawas find R2
    He has a shocking good time
    Face down on the ground
     
    Friends reunited
    Stuck in a giant scrap pile
    Utini says the Jawa
     
    Sandtroopers touch down
    Searching for the stolen plans
    “Look sir”, one says. “Droids”
     
    The Sandcrawler stops
    The droids all line up outside
    A Jawa buffet
     
    Meet Luke Skywalker
    A boy with a destiny
    Stuck on Tatooine
     
    “Tell Uncle Owen
    To get one that speaks Bocce”
    “Not much to choose from”
     
    Slim pickings for sale
    Owen does not buy R2
    R5 blows his top
     
    Owen buys his droids
    Tells Luke to go and clean them
    Luke just whines and pouts
     
    “This oil bath feels good”
    “Oh, Biggs is right. I’m stuck here”
    “Which planet is this?”
     
    Sir Luke cleans R2
    “Help me, you’re my only hope”
    Luke wants to see more
     
    “She is beautiful”
    “Uh, she is your sister dude”
    “What did he just say?”
     
    R2 turns it off
    For Obi-Wan’s eyes only
    Luke is not happy
     
    “Does he not like me?”
    “No, I don’t like you either”
    Poor R2D2
     
    Breakfast and blue milk
    “I think these droids are stolen”
    Uncle looks at aunt
     
    Luke wants to move on
    “There are more than enough droids
    So why can’t I leave?”
     
    “Just one more harvest”
    “That is what you said last year”
    “All my friends have gone”
     
    “Where are you going?”
    “I guess I’m going nowhere”
    “He’s just like his dad”
                   
    Twin  suns start to set
    Luke looks into the distance
    Sad music starts up
     
    R2 has escaped
    Owen is going to kill Luke
    Where could he have gone?
                   
    “That droid is trouble”
    “Oh, he excels at that sir”
    “So now you tell me”
     
    “Have you seen Luke yet?”
    “He left early this morning”
    “I hope he’s working”
     
    Sand People spy Luke
    “Think I can hit him from here?”
    “No, cause your aim sucks”
     
    They soon find R2
    Trying to find his master
    But he is Luke’s now
     
    “What’s wrong with him now?”
    “There are creatures approaching”
    “Sand people. Or worse”
     
    “Sand people alright
    I can see one of them now”
    He missed the other
     
    Theepio falls down
    Luke takes a blow to the head
    Jundland Wastes aren’t safe
     
    Luke is unconscious
    Sand People wreck his speeder
    And prop it on blocks
     
    Obi Wan shows up
    New edition voice over
    I miss the old one
     
    Ben picks up poor Luke
    “Looks like you’ve had a rough day”
    “Ben? Ben Kenobi?”
     
    “Thanks for saving me
    Do you know an Obi Wan?
    This R2 is his”
     
    “Wow, that’s an old name
    I haven’t heard in a while”
    “I heard that he’s dead”
     
    “He's not dead, he's me
    Don't know if I owned a droid”
    “He has a message”
     
    “Come Luke, we must go
    They are easily startled
    But they will be back”
                   
    Threepio fell down
    It was not that expensive
    It just cost an arm
     
    Ben gives some plot points
    Backstory for the new fans
    Leaves a few things out
     
    “He was a Jedi
    But a young sith lord killed him
    Vader was his name”
     
    “I took the high ground
    Cut off his arm and both legs
    He was my brother”
     
    “Your dad’s lightsaber
    He has killed younglings with it”
    He leaves that out too
     
    “He has a message
    Some hot chick dressed in white robes”
    Threepio shuts down
     
    “I think I've found it”
    He starts to play the message
    He's her only hope
     
    Ben gives an option
    “Luke, learn the ways of the force
    Come to Alderaan”
     
    “It’s so far from here
    Uncle’s going to kill me
    I must head back home”
     
    “Do what you must Luke”
    “Wow, passive aggressive much?
    I think I should leave”
     
    The Death Star’s no moon
    Imperials talk inside
    The big guys show up
     
    Motti is bragging
    But Vader is not impressed
    He chokes him instead
     
    Lots of dead Jawa’s
    Sand People did not do this
    Stormtroopers did it
     
    Luke looks at the droids
    He comes to a conclusion
    “That could lead them… home”
     
    Luke’s House up flames
    His family are no more
    Beru died smoking hot
     
    Back on the Death Star
    A probe droid enters the room
    Time to get the truth
     
    Broken Sandcrawler
    Jawas face down in the dirt
    Let's set fire to them
     
    Luke is despondent
    Ben tries hard to cheer up Luke
    “You would be dead too”
     
    Luke makes up his mind
    To be a Jedi like dad
    With less dead younglings
     
    “Lots of villains here
    And a fair amount of scum
    Try to be careful”
     
    “Where did you get these?
    They’re not what you’re looking for.
    You can move along”
     
    “Watch your step young Luke
    No one wants to lose an arm
    This place can be rough”
                   
    An alarm goes off
    “Your droids, they must stay outside
    We don’t serve their kind.”
     
    Dr Evazan
    Death sentence on twelve systems
    Just not on this one
     
    Pushes Luke over
    Ben overreacts a bit
    Over armless fun
     
    “I am Han Solo
    The captain of the Falcon
    And this is Chewie”
     
    “Is she a fast ship?”
    “Fast enough for you old man”
    “Good, then we’ll take it”
     
    “Seventeen thousand?
    This could really save my neck
    Get the ship started”
     
    Han Solo stands up
    But he finds his path is blocked
    Greedo’s in his way
     
    “Going somewhere Han?”
    “Yes, to see Jabba, Greedo”
    “I have his money”
     
    “He’ll just take your ship”
    “Yeah, over my dead body”
    “Good, I like that plan”
     
    Han Solo shoots first
    Greedo does not fire a shot
    That would be silly
     
    Wuher looks at Han
    Han tosses over some coins
    ”Sorry for the mess”
     
    Leia’s mind is tough
    The mind probe could not break her
    Tarkin has a plan
     
    Door to door troopers
    The two droids are in hiding
    It’s all R2’s fault
     
    Luke sells his speeder
    “Won’t be coming back again”
    Until the sequel
     
    Once he was a man
    CGI changed him a lot
    Han stepped on his tail
     
    One last small surprise
    Gratuitous Boba shot
    Smile for the camera
     
    Everyone arrives
    At Docking Bay 94
    Stormtroopers show up
     
    “Stop that ship. Blast them”
    Time for Han to fly away
    Next stop, Alderaan
     
    “Governor Tarkin
    I knew you'd hold Vader's leash
    I smelled your foul stench”
     
    “Charming to the last
    Say goodbye to Alderaan”
    Planet go boom now
     
    Alderaan blows up
    Galactic maps are now wrong
    All thanks to Leia
     
    Ben grabs his tummy
    Loads of voices are silenced
    A bad thing happened
     
    R2 plays space chess
    “Chewie is a sore loser”
    “Let the wookiee win”
     
    Luke tries his saber
    Remote shoots him in the butt
    Han finds it funny
     
    Luke wears a helmet
    And he blocks a shot or two
    First steps to Jedi
     
    Leia lied to them
    Rebel base is deserted
    “Kill her right away”
     
    Han thinks he is lost
    Alderaan seems to have gone
    Replaced with big rocks
     
    “Where did that come from?”
    “It’s heading towards that moon”
    “That’s a space station”
     
    “Time to hit reverse
    Tractor beam’s pulling us in.
    Shut her down Chewie”
     
    “Send scan crew aboard
    The stolen plans must be here”
    Vader feels something
     
    The crew hides below
    Stormtroopers enter the ship
    “Where is TK421?”
     
    Luke and Han get changed
    But Luke is a little short
    They soon have a plan
     
    “R2 says she’s here”
    “Who is?” “Princess Leia ,sir”
    “Princess? What princess?”
     
    “She’s your future wife
    You’ll fall in love with her
    And she, you”. “I know”
     
    “We must rescue her”
    “Are you out of your mind, Luke?”
    “Pass me the binders”
     
    Detention level
    “Where are you taking this…  thing?”
    “Prisoner transfer”
     
    “Hey look out, he’s loose!”
    Blaster shots and explosions
    Many dead troopers
     
    “Which cell is Leia’s?”
    “She’s in 2187
    Luke, go and find her”
     
    “What’s going on there?”
    “We’re all fine here now, thank you
    Blaster malfunction”
     
    “I’m Luke Skywalker
    I am here to rescue you
    I have Ben with me”
     
    “Aren’t you a bit short?”
    “A thank you would have been nice”
    “Get me out of here”
     
    “Kenobi is here?”
    “There’s a tremor in the force”
    “Are you sure Vader?”
     
    “There’s a disturbance”
    “Where?”  “In the detention block
    AA23”
     
    Stromtroopers give chase
    Leia is less than impressed
    The heroes are trapped
     
    “Do you have a plan?”
    “He’s the brainy one sweetheart”
    “Some rescue this is”
     
    “She’s not too friendly”
    “Get into the chute fly boy”
    “Hand dives in head first”
     
    A room full of trash
    Something moves beneath their feet
    Luke is pulled under
     
    The walls start moving
    “We’re all going to be thinner”
    Luke comes up for air
     
    Trooper bangs his head
    Seventh generation clone
    IQ is dropping
     
    “They’re madmen” he says
    Stay here and watch these two droids.
    Droids to the rescue
     
    Luke is panicking
    “C-3PO are you there?
    Blast it, where is he?”
     
    “Luke, are you there, sir?”
    “Shut down the garbage mashers
    No, shut them all down”
     
    Threepio hears screams
    “Oh, curse my metal circuits
    They’re dying R2”
     
    “Great job Threepio”
    “We’re okay. You did great”
    “Oh, thank the maker”
     
    Meanwhile, down the hall
    Ben locates the tractor beam
    And he gets to work
     
    Chewbacca is scared
    Leia takes control of things
    “No reward’s worth this”
     
    Ben turns the beam off
    Stormtroopers walk by the door
    Ben turns it back on       
                   
    “Time to leave this place”
    “You came in that thing? You’re brave!”
    “Nice.  Let’s head down there”
     
    “It is them, blast them!”
    Han and Chewie chase them
    “Get back to the ship”
     
    Han runs down the hall
    Stormtroopers have multiplied
    Back the way he came
     
    Time to swing across.
    “You better not drop me, Luke
    A kiss for good luck”
     
    Ben pulls out his lightsaber
    It’s a fight he cannot win
    A duel of the fates
     
    An epic showdown
    Master fights former pupil
    Only one will live
     
     Darth Vader taunts Ben
    “Your powers are weak old man”
    The fight gets intense
     
    Ben sees Luke and smiles
    The ultimate sacrifice
    Vader strikes him down
     
    Luke shoots Stormtroopers
    But then, Ben tells him to run
    Luke is hearing things
     
    The Falcon escapes
    Homing beacon is on board
    Tarkin takes a risk
     
    “I can’t believe he’s gone”
    “My whole planet just blew up
    I feel your pain, Luke”
     
    “Okay, stop crying
    We are not out of this yet
    I need your help Luke”
     
    They both man the guns
    Luke shoots down his first fighter
    “Don’t get cocky, kid”
     
    “They are tracking us
    Tarkin just let us escape”
    “Not this ship sister”
     
    “What do you think?”
    “I am trying not to, Luke”
    “Good” Luke says smiling
     
    “Although, her and me?
    What do you think of that, Luke?”
    Luke is not happy
     
    They land on Yavin
    R2 is handed over
    With the plans intact
     
    Rebel briefing room
    “The Empire is coming here
    No thanks to Leia”
     
    “We have found a flaw
    The Death Star was not made well
    There’s an exhaust port”
     
    “That’s not possible”
    “I would shoot Womp Rats back home
    They aren’t much bigger”
     
    Wedge shrugs his shoulders
    He does not care for these odds. 
    Suicide mission
     
    Death Star gets closer
    “In range in thirty minutes”
    Tarkin watches on
     
    “You got your reward?”
    “Yep, not staying for this mess
    I want to spend it”
     
    “Just come with me Luke
    I could use you in a fight”
    “You’re turning your back”
     
    Droids dropped into ships
    Pilots are getting ready
    It’s now or never
                   
    “Hi Luke, you made it”
    “Have I got stories for you!”
    “We will chat later”
     
    “This R2 is trashed.
    Do you want a new one, Luke?”
    “Not on your life, pal”
     
    Death Star approaching
    Princess Leia looks nervous
    15 minutes left
     
    All pilots check in
    The pilots say their call signs
    “Red Five standing by”
     
    “Lock in your s-foils”
    “Look at the size of that thing”
    “Cut chatter, Red Two”
     
    The first attack run
    Imperials fire at them
    Luke gets a bit cooked
     
    “30 rebel ships”
    “Get the crews to their fighters
    Fight them ship to ship”
     
    A pilot has died
    Porkins we hardly knew ye
    You were not that fat
     
    Vader gets his ship
    “You two pilots come with me.
    We’ll do this ourselves”
     
    Tarkin gives a smile
    “Death Star is almost in range”
    “Charge the laser up”
     
    Countdown has begun
    Only seven minutes left
    Rebel Base is near
     
    Luke hears Ben a gain
    Is his radio broken?
    “Luke, trust your feelings”
     
    Enemy fighters
    “You have got one on your tail”
    “Help, I can’t shake him”
     
    Vader picks pilots
    “Some have broke off from the group
    You two, come with me”
     
    “Luke! Fighter above”
    “I am hit, but not too bad
    R2, please fix it”
     
    “Blast, Biggs. Where are you?”
    Wedge takes the TIE fighter out
    “Thanks, good shooting Wedge”
     
    “This is Gold Leader
    We’re starting out attack run”
    Y-Wing Fighters dive
     
    Things are getting worse
    Vader’s squad leaves the hangar
    The Empire will win
     
    Picking off Rebels
    Shooting fish in a barrel
    Tiree and Hutch die
     
    “There is a danger
    We should evacuate, sir”
    “This is a triumph!”
     
    The next trench run fails.
    The missile skims the surface
    It did not go in
     
    Luke takes the next turn
    “Fighters coming in point three”
    Wedge has to pull out
     
    Poor Biggs is no more
    So much for their story time
    The losses add up
     
    "I’m on the leader"
    “Use the Force, Luke.  Let go, Luke”
    Darth senses the force
     
    Poor R2 is hit
    Vader’s fighter gets closer
    Father versus son
     
    "We are now in range"
    "Start primary ignition"
    "You may fire at will"
     
    Han Solo shows up
    "Let’s blow this thing and go home"
    Luke hits it dead on
     
    The Death Star explodes
    Stormtroopers blown to pieces
    Huge mess to clean up
     
    "Great shot kid" Han yelled
    "It's one in a million"
    Luke lets out a sigh
     
    The rebels have won
    And the heroes get medals
    Except for Chewie
     

    © 2014 by Craig W. Chenery. All rights reserved.